Live Life To The Fullest

。最终落幕篇。

2009-01-01T08:28:00.000-08:00

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 31, 2008

不知不觉，也踏入了第160天
大略算算，随随便便也有近半年

半年的夜半深思
半年的痛心流泪
半年的迷迷糊糊
半年的自卑自负
半年的神不守舍
半年的黯然神伤

总该来个圆满落幕

圆满。。。用错词了
哪有圆满这种幸福

兜兜转转
跌跌撞撞

是傻傻在白等
还是愚昧的在自欺

我想
已经无所谓了

今夜
再一次看过我们以前的照片
以前的回忆一幕幕掠过脑袋穿过回忆呈现在眼前

都会说是‘以前’
以前 = 往事
往事 =/= 未来
眼睛长在前面总有它的理由
就是要你往前看

往事只能回味，不是我说的
往事不堪回首，才是人话

以前的幸福洋溢
以前的无话不说
以前的甜言蜜语
以前的山盟海誓
如今已化为乌有
挥一挥衣袖一切一切的过往将随风而去

今夜
我们来个最终落幕
来个最终回味
来个最终流泪
来个往事已逝
来个放手释怀
来个解脱自己
来个望向未来

一个不会有你的未来

今夜噩梦初醒
懂自己蹉跎了多少青春
懂自己蹉跎了多少时间
懂自己浪费了多少心痛
懂自己浪费了多少眼泪

是的
经过了那么多暴雨大风浪
我懂了
懂我真正在乎的是什么
懂我的理想到底在哪里
懂我的坚持在何方
懂我的心该牵挂于哪

终于懂了

李圣杰的伤心情歌
我想我不再需要了

在这世界上
我在乎的人与事有很多很多
世界不会只兜转在你的周围

乘年轻我不要在傻傻黯然神伤
乘年轻我不会再为了你封闭我自己

今夜这篇就是我们的落幕篇
今后不会再有‘我们’
天大地大总有让我落脚的地方
天大地大我们不会再在同一个轨道上相见
即使再相见我会不吝啬的对你微笑一个身为擦肩而过的陌路微笑
你的影子会慢慢模糊在我的脑海里

我希望我做得到
我应该相信我做得到

以后可能会三百年一次上来这里写写画画
可是我真的希望我不会再上来了

就现在 2008年情豆初开少年轻狂浪漫主义初次恋爱最终落幕

I guess, I'll be able to move on, from now on.

谢谢。

2009-01-01T08:26:00.000-08:00

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2008

第127日，要唱首歌吗？

可以吗？

2008-11-17T08:23:00.000-08:00

问自己，可以别再想了吗？
可以别再伤心了吗？？
可以不要再有期望吗？？？

可以，忘了吗？

可以救救我吗。。。？

Haunt me in my dreams...

2008-11-17T08:12:00.000-08:00

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2008

I woke up, with a sense of fear and emptiness...
for the very first time a dream that had made me feeling so empty and helpless...
I could only see you with my bare eyes... not able to do anything... just feel like breaking down and cry the hell out of my way to wake myself up
And I know I simply cannot see this in reality.

How I wish there's someone I can hug on tight this morning when I wake up.
It felt so awful so awful...

2008-11-17T08:11:00.000-08:00

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 2008

111st walking zombie...

2008-11-17T08:10:00.000-08:00

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2008

A 110th day...

2008-11-17T08:09:00.000-08:00

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 1, 2008

The 100th day...
What am I holding on too?

2008-11-17T08:08:00.000-08:00

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2008

99th

2008-11-17T08:07:00.001-08:00

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2008

98th

2008-11-17T08:06:00.000-08:00

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2008

97th

2008-11-17T08:05:00.000-08:00

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2008

96th

2008-11-17T08:04:00.002-08:00

MONDAY, OCTOBER 27, 2008

95th

2008-11-17T08:04:00.001-08:00

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 26, 2008

94th

2008-11-17T08:03:00.001-08:00

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 25, 2008

93rd

2008-11-17T08:02:00.000-08:00

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 24, 2008

92nd

2008-11-17T07:59:00.001-08:00

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 23, 2008

91st

2008-11-17T07:58:00.001-08:00

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 22, 2008

90th

2008-11-17T07:55:00.000-08:00

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 12, 2008

shunning myself away from this...

the 80th day...

2008-11-17T07:52:00.000-08:00

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 2008

One month had passed-by...
Hmm... lets see what I've missed...

2008-10-06T02:46:00.000-07:00

下一个天亮

用起伏的背影挡住哭泣的心
　　有些故事不必说给每个人听
　　许多眼睛看的太浅太近
　　错过我没被看见那个自己
　　
　　用简单的言语解开超载的心
　　有些情绪是该说给懂的人听
　　你的热泪比我激动怜惜
　　我发誓要更努力更有勇气
　　
　　等下一个天亮
　　去上次牵手赏花那裏散步好吗
　　有些积雪会自己融化
　　你的肩膀是我豁达的天堂
　　等~下一个天亮
　　把偷拍我看海的照片送我好吗
　　我喜欢我飞舞的头发
　　和飘著雨还是眺望的眼光
　　
　　
　　时间可以磨去我的棱角
　　有些坚持却永远磨不掉
　　请容许我小小的骄傲
　　因为有你这样的依靠
　　

2008-10-06T02:41:00.001-07:00

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 5, 2008

I feel awful this morning when i woke up
The feeling of leaving
The feeling of losing
The feeling of crying
it all came attacking me

may be I'm too tired
but the memory when the day I first left
It all came back

The scene when you parked your car outside my house
You walked in
Whispered in my ears
And then I see you driving away

It felt just like hell.....
It still, feels like hell.....
whenever i remember it

2008-10-06T02:35:00.002-07:00

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 4, 2008

Wow, I guess its really awkward for you to see me huh....
You're like a total stranger now.

How you react when you see me.
How you never bother to speak.
How you avoid seeing me.

oouch.... it hurts

2008-10-06T02:28:00.000-07:00

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 3, 2008

I'm speechless...
I truly am...

Good Luck Pat,
other than that, I don't know what to say anymore

I'm so in the same shoe as yours...
and I've no idea, what else can I do, what is left in me?
in us, indeed...

2008-10-06T02:17:00.000-07:00

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 2, 2008

half my holidays are almost gone...

and it has been 70days...

oh Pat, I guess 8th Jan is not a good day
if not, then our 'philosophy' shall be proven true
otherwise, why are we in this kinda situation??
you tell me...

2008-10-06T02:11:00.000-07:00

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 1, 2008

Today I went for movies with my family.
Met up Pat, who is working in Nike.
He told me he saw you working, may be at the basement.
I was thinking... no camera fair, then you won't be there, may be.

I walked, alone
and I really saw you, there...

What's wrong??
you can't recognize me??
or you wanna chicken-out this time too??

hmm.....??

"Enjoy yourself back here."
yea, i know
you've told me that,
don't you remember??
you've nothing else to say then...??

2008-10-06T02:10:00.001-07:00

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 30, 2008

... will I see you this time I come back??

2008-10-06T02:08:00.000-07:00

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 29, 2008

I'm wondering...

2008-10-06T02:06:00.000-07:00

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 2008

Enjoy yourself back here. =)

is that the only thing you can say ?

2008-10-06T02:02:00.000-07:00

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 27, 2008

yes, you're right.
indeed, I always wait for the 'next time'...
the 'next time' that might never comes...

2008-09-27T00:29:00.000-07:00

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 2008

今天回来的路上，下着雨

很大一场雨

天，一直阴昏昏的

自从上次第一次回来到机场见你那一次

每次回来都带着很沉很沉的心情

心里清楚明白什么都不会发生

可是总会情不自禁的有所期待

在一起时也是这样

还记得你曾经说过：‘Actually, better we don’t have expectation. Because it will always lead to a fight, when I don’t know what are you expecting.’

所以其实我有的期待从来都不曾对你说

也知道每一次的期待总会带来失望

久而久之也对失望的感觉麻木了

这次回来无别也想见见你

这也可能是再一个会以失望收场的期待吧。

2008-09-27T00:28:00.000-07:00

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 2008

N.U.H

2008-09-27T00:26:00.000-07:00

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2008

If I never leave, will we end up like this??

2008-09-27T00:24:00.000-07:00

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2008

If tomorrow never comes… will you regret of letting go??

2008-09-27T00:23:00.000-07:00

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2008

When days grow into months…

I still miss you…as much

it has been 60 days... have you ever think about me??

2008-09-27T00:19:00.000-07:00

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2008

Some will say, don’t let your mind control your feelings.

Fight it!

But what if, every part of me, think of you??

2008-09-27T00:17:00.000-07:00

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2008

the fifth time i came to Jonker-Walk
and yet, you're no where to be seen
your hands no longer belongs to me
neither your heart...

2008-09-27T00:16:00.001-07:00

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2008

我学会了系领带。。。

那，又怎样？？

派不上用场了。。。

2008-09-27T00:11:00.000-07:00

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 2008

记得你叫我忘了，叫我放手，叫我放下你，自己前进。

你说，没有你的明天可能会更好。

荒唐！

2008-09-27T00:07:00.000-07:00

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 2008

常常忘了要忘记。。。

2008-09-27T00:05:00.000-07:00

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2008

我不敢用‘爱’，因为，我不再懂得‘爱’的含义。

可能太广泛了，也可能无法定义，因为，可能‘爱’不曾存在。

你，认同吗？

2008-09-27T00:00:00.000-07:00

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2008

有时候，会问自己：为什么要为一个不再疼自己的男人流泪？他，真正疼过你吗？？

2008-09-14T02:46:00.000-07:00

心痛的感觉又来袭了
怎么办？？

第一次中秋在外头一个人过
第一次空虚那么长一段时间
第一次与孤单寂寞做伴
第一次感受到失恋的痛果然很痛

第一次深深感受到举头望明月低头思故乡的感觉和含义

2008-09-14T02:37:00.000-07:00

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2008

这几天都从半月等到满月
月有阴晴圆缺人有悲欢离合
试问这句话哪里不好？

可惜满月当空
散的是地上的人儿

似乎我应该再次习惯-一个人-

2008-09-14T02:32:00.000-07:00

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 2008

可惜
深夜总会来
总会有夜深人静的时候
。。。

50th... seems like you would never understand
my feelings just don't happen to fade...

2008-09-14T02:28:00.000-07:00

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 2008

其实忙起来我没事的
人多了自尊心自然而然让眼泪止住
热闹时心自然而然不会胡思乱想
。。。

2008-09-12T01:50:00.000-07:00

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2008

No worries my fellow friends
I'll get over soon
And you'll be able to see the 'me' you know very soon ...
I promise

This is just a place for me to lay my feelings
In case I happened to burst ... who knows

But, I do cherish your visit

Nevertheless
THANKS
for your support ...

2008-09-12T01:48:00.000-07:00

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 2008

好久好久都没有你的消息

近来好吗？

想听你的声音不曾忘记你的背影

2008-09-12T01:46:00.000-07:00

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 2008

翻了翻被子换一换床被

拍一拍枕头取下枕头袋

那一刻才偶然发现枕头上的痕迹

原来不知不觉中流下的泪水已烙印在枕头上

曾和几时我不再是我

曾和几时泪水再见

曾和几时我与泪水有约

却似乎跟快乐绝缘

Indulge The Recollection of The Past

2008-09-07T10:08:00.000-07:00

Arghh...
I had a real harsh day

I wish I could call up to you like I always do, just to have someone to listen to my problems and give me some comfort and solutions
Just to listen to your voice, to calm myself down

But now,
i can only listen to the recordings you did for me
Listen to your voice, your laughter and your breath
Imagine your smile
Reminiscing the past ...

... which had passed for 45 days
fades with the wind... gone within time

2008-09-06T03:02:00.000-07:00

I dreamed of you...
dreamed of you... leaving me

2008-09-05T01:16:00.000-07:00

失恋过，才懂得唱情歌。。。

挑一张耶诞卡写上满满祝福的话
地址写的是心底你能不能收到它
天有点冷风有点大城市宁静而喧哗
这一个冬天我得一个人走回家
问自己习惯了吗
没有你每到夜裏回声变得好大
有没有什麽好方法让寂寞更听话
你最近还好吗是不是也在思念里挣扎
你说会记得我还记得吗
你最近还好吗
忙碌吗累吗心还会痛吗
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快乐出发
有再多的牵挂都已没有权利表达
旧情人给的问候令陌生人都还尴尬
昨天远了明天还长回忆模糊但巨大
这样的深夜眼泪要怎样不流下
问自己习惯了吗
没有你每到夜裏回声变得好大
有没有什麽好方法让寂寞更听话
你最近还好吗是不是也在思念里挣扎
你说会记得我还记得吗
你最近还好吗
忙碌吗累吗心还会痛吗
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快乐出发
你最近还好吗是不是也在思念里挣扎
你说会记得我还记得吗
你最近还好吗
忙碌吗累吗心还会痛吗
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快乐出发

precisely...

2008-09-05T01:14:00.000-07:00

THURSDAY, 4 AUGUST, 2008

Damn!! I miss him...

2008-09-05T01:10:00.000-07:00

WEDNESDAY, 3 AUGUST, 2008

今天又是一个下雨天。。。

往往下雨天，一个人撑着伞，一个人走在街上，

情不自禁，都会想起，

第一次，你为我撑伞。。。

淋湿了半个肩的你，把我护在伞下。。。

如果，如果我说期待你下一次这样为我撑伞，

你说，可能吗？？

2008-09-05T01:08:00.001-07:00

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 2008

Sorry, I'm really sorry...

I am so not ready for this
I am so not wanting to roll another row of tears down
I am good, alone, at this moment.

it has been the 40th day i lost you...

2008-09-05T00:59:00.000-07:00

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 2008

As if as the decision and conclusion has been made.
We are now free to move on with our own life.
But,
have I decided to do so??
Where I'll be moving on to??
I know I have to move on, emotionally and physically.
But,
am I ready to do so??

2008-09-05T00:55:00.000-07:00

SUNDAY, AUGUST 31, 2008

认真爱上你后，发现事事那么容易满足，
只要有你陪伴，生活变得充实又美妙，
仿佛多彩多姿了起来，充满欢娱的酵素。
说穿了，其实也别无奢求，
只是喜欢和你在一起的感觉，
没有压力，
毫无束缚，
参杂点花俏顽皮，
所以，
愿意让自己陶醉在这么简单的快乐里，
因为有你

2008-09-05T00:51:00.000-07:00

SATURDAY, AUGUST 30, 2008

曾经与你无话不说，

下班后一起到处逛逛；

加班时谈天说地，嘻嘻哈哈；

放假时开车兜风，看电影，听音乐

。。。过得多么快乐惬意。

可惜，那是曾经的曾经

2008-09-05T00:47:00.000-07:00

FRIDAY, AUGUST 29, 2008

your 'next time', can never come...
no matter, I'll continue my self.

to finish the undone,
to go , to continue;

to heal the broken,
to comfort the loneliness.

all by my self.

2008-09-05T00:40:00.000-07:00

THURSDAY, AUGUST 28, 2008

难道付出不够，还是真爱太少，甚至不曾存在过。。。

终究像天上的两颗星星，相隔遥远，各自在远方闪烁着孤独的光芒。。。

满天的星星，一如往常；

望夜空的人，彷徨。

2008-09-05T00:38:00.001-07:00

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 27, 2008

如果无言，那代表什么？

2008-09-05T00:34:00.000-07:00

TUESDAY, AUGUST 26, 2008

I'm gonna hang on...!!!
Yes I WILL...!!!

2008-09-05T00:31:00.000-07:00

MONDAY, AUGUST 25, 2008

trying to life, without you...
when you were, what I'm breathing on

you know... you should know

2008-09-05T00:24:00.000-07:00

SUNDAY, AUGUST 24, 2008

I'm heading back college today...
gonna miss family, dear n friends...
and this feelings suck!
seriously sucks!!

no message or call from you, at all??

i walk a lonely road...

2008-08-23T12:10:00.000-07:00

I learn a lot, from [The Five People You Meet In Heaven]
and this is part of it,
here goes...

Lost love is still love.
It takes a different form, that's all.
You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor.
But, when those senses weaken, another heightens.
Memory.
Memory becomes your partner.
You nuture it,
You hold it.
You dance with it.
Life has to end.
Love doesn't.

And true enough. memory is what's left in me.

Things shall get better I guess,
let's just hold on to it, and things WILL get better.

30th day we broke up
30 days,
a month
enough of mourning
enough of tears

Grace!! get your butt back in action!!
don't let the one who cares down
don't let yourself down
Girls power ROCKS!!! and will still rocks!!

2008-08-23T11:32:00.000-07:00

FRIDAY, AUGUST 22, 2008

When it comes to the moment you start thinking about
What you're doing.
Who you're choosing.
Who you love.
And if it's right,
this can be such a wonderful moment...

but now,
I can't find any 'wonderful moment' between us...
it was there, you know, and I know
but you've made the decision to let go,
for once and forever...
Now, we shall make this clear...

So we meet up,
and you were acting so difficult...
but you called up in the night
and here we are...

Sitting side-by-side, in you car, just like we used to
but now, it's a totally different situation, different feelings

Honestly, when I entered your car, looking at you, my heart was shouting so loud:
'Oh shit!! I missed this guy so much!!'
and I was to break down...
but I know I can't
so I didn't

then we were there talking
started up with asking about your uni application things
and I can see you were crapping
crapping from uni application to your results to your family
and then telling me:
'Sincerely, I don't have the mood to text msg these days, so sometimes I just don't reply msg.'
Oh for goodness sake, stop bullshitting!!
your msg alert have been ringing for a few times that night itself!!

So,
after you've finished crapping
I just go:
'Why did you break up with me?'
and I was pretty sure, I can predict your reaction and answer
as how much I've known you

so....
the same answer
same explanation
you can't even look in my eyes while you were talking to me....
haiz.........sigh

and for real,
I know,
there were girl after you
its the sense we girls have
that is actually unexplainable
but you said there were THREE girls!!
WHAT THE FUCK!!
yes, I'm using burglar words....
and I asked to know the girls name
you refused to tell right??
how bout I tell u
it was her, yes, my friend
that slut!!
again,
WHAT THE FUCK!!
I was so pissed off
so pissed off
no need much explanation
you did it without looking in my eyes
what were you trying to hide??
huh??
don't you have the guts to even look in my eyes??
huh?? my ex-Darlin??

and so,
before I leave
I wish you the very best of luck
on your life and everything awaiting in the future
I hugged you, yes I did
and I turned around, HIT YOU HARD on your left chest
yes I did
I just wanna tell you
'so, you know this is pain!!''

This two weeks of holidays were not supposed to happen like this
You yourself know, how much have I been longed for this two weeks to come
and how much plan have I been working on for these
But then,
you still let go and ended it all
leaving me all alone
miserable and confused
everything straggled up

for how many tears and sadness and mourning I've gone through
I meet you up tonight, with ONE purpose
to make things straight, to make things clear
once and for all

and just like you tell me
life has many chapter
and yes, you were one of the chapters in my life

Chapter One of my romance life
Chapter One that will ends tonight
I'm gonna shut the door behind
keeping our memories behind
keeping the times we had behind
shut the door close
and enter the next door

God knows what is behind the door
but for my own sake
I'm gonna try my best to enter it
with a whole new feeling a whole new smile
I know its hard
real hard
but it has got to be

so
there it goes
End Of Chapter One

Shall we just be friends from now on....
Just like you say,
One who understand you and one who understand me...

sometimes,
fairy tales don't end with a happy endings...
but they say,
All endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time...
who knows,
this might be true...
true or not,
we shall just stop and stare..
nop,
proceed and stare...

2008-08-23T11:27:00.000-07:00

THURSDAY, AUGUST 21, 2008

To grow
To love
To age
To die
and to finally have my question answered
-why I lived and what I lived for-

I wanna meet up
to make things clear
to make things straight

this is the 28th day... you started to make my live miserable

2008-08-23T11:17:00.000-07:00

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 20, 2008

You know,
sometimes, when you fell asleep,
you dreamed your heaven and those dreams helped to form it.

I actually dreamed about you before...
You remember??
There was once,
when i dreamed about you in the night,
dreamed about you hugging me real tight in your arms...
and it felt so real
and i smile, when i was awake...
and i told you about that,
and you told me, you dreamed about me too, that night
you dreamed that you were hugging me by the beach, and in the car....

But there was no reason for such dreams now...
cause i'm always crying my way to my dreams...

I want back my life,
when I used to laugh my way through everything.
Easy and hard.
It was never a problem.
But now,
I think I really deserve to smile, from heart.

27th day it is.... and i've been missing you from my dreams for such long time

2008-08-23T11:11:00.000-07:00

TUESDAY, AUGUST 19, 2008

It's like now,
when things get wrong for such a long time.

I felt weaker and weaker.
Deep inside me,
I know this is got to come to an end.

Is it me?
who is not ready to let go?
Or there's something else?

I really really want to stop this mourning and moody feelings.
And I hate it when I lost control...
and ended up with tears.

26th days we were no longer together...
the feelings of missing you gets stronger and stronger
it IS killing me...

2008-08-17T10:01:00.000-07:00

MONDAY, AUGUST 18, 2008

Learn this

from [The Five People You Meet In Heaven]

Holding anger is a poison,
It eats you from inside.
We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us.
But hatred is a curved blade.
And the harm we do,
we do to ourselves.

But dearly, I loved you, and I hate myself for cannot even find a reason to hate you back.
For how much I loved you, I hate myself as much.

2008-08-17T09:52:00.000-07:00

SUNDAY, AUGUST 17, 2008

I'm feeling really awful today.
For a week has passed.
You did ask me out, I know.

And truthfully, I can't wait to meet you.

But somehow, I just can't.
And since, I had not heard from you.
You should have start working
So, how's work??
Had it been keeping you so busy??

I've just got 6 days left.
My heart urges me to get things right between us.
And its making me panic, and nervous, and lost.....
If I don't meet up with you, it'll be after a month then.

One week has passed be;
I can hardly feel my heart.

What am i doing??
I have no idea.

What was i feeling??
I don't know.

Who I wanna see the most??
You.

And I miss you so much.

the 24th day...
and i wish to have another 24 hours with you

2008-08-17T09:49:00.000-07:00

SATURDAY, AUGUST 16, 2008

For goodness sake,
fight the feelings of being lost.

Fight it!

2008-08-17T09:46:00.000-07:00

FRIDAY, AUGUST 15, 2008

I cannot undergo depression.
I must not understand depression.

It is indeed, weakness.

And it shall not exist,
in my survival.

But I don't want to walk alone.

Loneliness shadows me.
Emptiness hunts me.
Tears numb me.

2008-08-17T09:40:00.000-07:00

THURSDAY, AUGUST 14, 2008

I feel the inability to get excited about much of anything.
Feels like fish pulled in by the wide rope nets,
helpless,
flopping and snared,
beyond escape.

Although I'm already at home
the most familiar place I've been.
and longed to meet the one who used to be familiar...

2008-08-17T09:19:00.000-07:00

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 13, 2008

For the bitter and the sweet...

Can my heart turns numb;

Shall it touches ice with no moist,
feels wind with no cold;

Can my heart just stop beating;

Shall my feelings just fade,
like how yours does.

Can anyone just let my heart rest,
let numb takes over;

and shall it eventually,
...rest in peace...

it has been 20 days...

12th Of The Month

2008-08-17T08:53:00.000-07:00

TUESDAY, AUGUST 12, 2008

Finally, I met up with Pat and Elaine.
It could have been fate, for,
three of us, Capri;
three of us, had know each other for years;
three of us, seems to have gone through the same heartbreaking incident;
three of us, sitting by the beach, wondering:
why is this happening to me??

12th of the month,
12th of May, i left Penang for Melacca
12th of August, i left Melacca, back to Penang
where are you??

Frankly,
I wanna cry out all my tears in front of Elaine tonight
when she leans her head against mine,
I felt like I can't hold my tears anymore.

But then,
I still kept it inside.
Perhaps,
the elder shouldn't collapse in front of the young.
Perhaps that is what stopping me from crying...

I just wanna hug someone and cry a river

pathetic

2008-08-10T23:44:00.000-07:00

MONDAY, AUGUST 11, 2008

He's So Over You, He Needs a New Word For "Over"

Girl, who do you think you're fooling?

Your ex isn't play hard to get.

He's playing, "Get the hell out of my life"

So even if you still have feelings for him...

It's time to say adios and find a new man

Is Your Ex Boyfriend Still Into You?

Smile vs Tears

2008-08-10T07:18:00.001-07:00

SUNDAY, AUGUST 10, 2008

i went to PC Fair today
actually i have nothing to buy
my only intension is just to see you
from far
from a distant
from a place chaos with crowds
so you will never know my existence
so you will never realize i'm there
so i can just look at you from far

but i saw Kent right after i step in the entrance
he saw me as well
i hope he don't tell you i was there

i realize
you are still breath-taking to me
you still make my heart beats
when i thought it's already dead

the last time i was in PC Pair

you was also working in PC Fair
we were in PC Fair

yet i did the same thing last time
i went
n i text msg you: Is my darlin wearing black today?
you replied: yupxie! you saw your darling XD

same place
same person
totally different feelings

smile vs tears

2008-08-10T07:11:00.000-07:00

SATURDAY, AUGUST 9, 2008

我回来了你记得吗？？

and i cry my way to my dreams tonight... again

2008-08-10T06:46:00.000-07:00

FRIDAY, AUGUST 8, 2008

15th day we are no longer together

2008.08.08
the day i've long for it to arrive

this is the day my mid-semester break starts
this is the day i'll get on the bus, way up North to Penang, back into your arms
this is the day i thought i can tell you how much i miss you
this is the day i thought when i see you again i can hug you as tight as i want
this is the day i thought i can cry as much as i want in your arms

but now
it's all the other way round
everything changed

i remembered last time i came back
it was the day you were going to depart to Singapore
and it was the day i'm coming back for a short 3 days break
还记得那天我们有多兴奋
一路上你的短讯不断
问我到了哪里
叫我不要赶巴士
安全最重要

还记得
突然巴士抛锚
可是我都不敢跟你说
自己在担心赶不上你登机的时间

还记得
到AutoCity那时候
你的短讯是这么写的：I'm so happy you've arrive!

还记得
一到槟城是Bear来载我到机场
也记得你吩咐他不要开快车
可是我却拜托他飞车把我送到机场
记得他说：‘Aiyo...这么紧张要看 'lou gong' 啊~~’

and finally
i did catch up with you before you depart
that time
how i wish i can ask you to stay
to spend the time with me in Penang
although its only for 3 short days
but i know i can't
i cannot be so selfish
you've planned to go for holiday with your family
its just that it crashed with the days i'm back
so..... i just kept quiet

but how i never think of
that is the day
the day you hug me for the very last time
the day you kiss me for the very last time

i've never thought that
that is actually eventually become our good-bye kiss

and i never wanna say Good Bye

never...

2008-08-10T06:35:00.000-07:00

THURSDAY, AUGUST 7, 2008

how can i stop thinking of you??
how can i stop mourning about us??
how can i stop crying when i still miss you??
how can stop starring at the phone and waiting for [Realize] to play??

when can i laugh back like i used to??

one stupid question:

WHEN can i have you to hug me back??

2008-08-10T06:32:00.000-07:00

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 6, 2008

Should i call up??
or
Can i call up??

2008-08-10T06:26:00.000-07:00

TUESDAY, AUGUST 5, 2008
i've never heard from you for a long time

are you so busy??
or had something happen??

may be you dont even bother to talk
may be you think there's nothing much to talk about

but this is making me worry
and start thinking................

2008-08-10T06:19:00.000-07:00

MONDAY, AUGUST 4, 2008

11th day...

i think cell wall is beginning to grow on my cardiac muscle surface

can i make it impermeable to anything??
or even make it metal
like Iron man's

2008-08-03T07:30:00.000-07:00

10th day

[10] the number we both like
[10] our lucky number
[10] perfect 10 which i believe do not exist
[10] perfect 10 which you tell me it does exist

where is our [10] then...??
why don't you tell me now...

2008-08-03T07:24:00.000-07:00

9th day

我想
丘比特在眷顾的名单里弄丢了我的名字

2008-07-31T07:59:00.000-07:00

8th day

i'm drowning...
reaching for a hand that i thought fits mine
waiting for the voice that can give me comfort
gasping for the scent that used to be so familiar

and yet
i still ... am alone

missing you another day ...

2008-07-30T10:52:00.000-07:00

7 days
it has been one week

gosh...
this is what's happening to me recently

every morning
i open my eyes
the first thing that came across my mind is:
what changes you so drastically??

i tried
i tried to fight this thoughts

i tried
i tried to keep myself occupy
i tried to keep myself busy
so i wont have time and space to think of you

but
everything reminds me of you
yes..... EVERYTHING

and this morning
early morning
i woke up around 4 something in the early morning
and i cant sleep back

i sit on the chair
in a dark room where i cant even see my own shadow
sitting there alone
starring at the wall
and then
i think of you again.............

i hate this feelings ... it makes me feel like collapsing

2008-07-30T10:43:00.000-07:00

sixth day i missed you

today
i decided not to send you 'Good Morning' as usual as i always wake up before you do

i'm just wondering
when will you approach first??
what will you text me??

i'm just wondering
will you freak out like you used to??
when you cant find me through phone
when i dint text you in the morning
or when i reply you message late

so
i was wondering
and i waited and waited

the clock strikes 12
12 in the mid-night
end of the day

and i've never heard from you
not a word

dear darlin,
you asked for my friends number before
you said
IF something happened to me
at least you can reach for help

dear darlin,
i guess
IF i happened to die here
i guess you wont even notice now

i'm sad.......................

hate myself for missing you ...

Starry Night

2008-07-28T08:39:00.000-07:00

Fifth day i lost you

i was walking to the water shop blocks away to buy drinking water
还记得那个时候都会有你在电话的令一头陪着我
还会叫我下次早点出门太晚了危险

今晚的自己看着地上一个人的影子
好讽刺好孤单

starring up to the dark blue sky
it was rather a starry night
and the thought of i've never got the chance to spend the night enjoying a starry night view with you come across my mind
is it still possible to do so??

remember the drawing i gave you the night before i leave??
the "Starry Night" ...??
and you asked me: how long did i use to complete the art work
and i remember, you call it a masterpiece
well then...............

"do think of me every starry night...
love, grace"

永远的第一天

2008-07-27T08:37:00.000-07:00

失恋的第四天
闭上眼睛
静静地听着这首歌
一首远距离恋爱的歌曲
好感动感动到让人流泪
曾经何时
也想过我会有这么一天
三年后的那一天

天啊
是我太执着吗？？

一时之间
我该怎么放下
该怎么忘记

深夜　機場冷清好安靜　我終於看見了妳
穿著風衣　提著行李　聽著CD 走來走去

回憶　傳進心裡全是妳　我走過去抱緊妳
妳的聲音　妳的笑容　妳的淚滴　回到我懷裡

妳答應我　今天飛來　帶著你遲來的真愛
就飛過大海　帶愛情回來

今天看見永遠的第一天　終於實現我和妳的諾言
時間將一切拉遠　愛在心裡沒有改變

今天看見愛飛過地平線　當我說完我對妳的誓言
這是另一個起點　我一定愛妳到永遠

回憶　傳進心裡全是妳　我走過去抱緊妳
妳的聲音　妳的笑容　妳的淚滴　回到我懷裡

妳答應我　今天飛來　我要在這一秒鐘說
I Love I Love I Love You 說永遠不分開
今天看見永遠的第一天　終於實現我和妳的諾言
時間將一切拉遠　愛在心裡沒有改變
今天看見　愛的第一天

今天看見永遠的第一天　終於實現我和妳的諾言
時間將一切拉遠　愛在心裡沒有改變

今天看見愛飛過地平線　當我說完我對妳的誓言
這是另一個起點　我一定愛妳到永遠　到永遠

我想
你永远都不会知道
我是这么想的

missing someone i knew so well ... but felt so strange

还可能吗？

2008-07-27T08:25:00.000-07:00

2008年07月26日

失恋的第三天

我第四次来到马六甲鸡场街
我第四回在想
哪一天可以跟你紧紧手牵着手
从街头逛到街尾

you said before
after you greaduate
you can come to find me in Melacca when i cant go back to Penang often
you remember??

you tell me that day
that after you greaduate
we can go shopping in Singapore together
and we can ask Maya to give us trip guide there
ask Bear to come along
you remember??

you knew
i've longed to go to Genting again
and you say
you shall accompany me go up there
you remember??

还可能吗？？

this feeling of missing you ... but there's nothing i can do

2008年07月25日雨

2008-07-24T23:19:00.001-07:00

2008年07月25日雨

失恋的第二天

凌晨三点我洗了个澡漫无目的的在徘徊剩下的我还有什么可以做？？

Then I decided to listen to some music

I reach for my mp3

Its [Forevermore] playing……………..

This is the song we listen to the most in your car

We used to sit inside the car, hugging each other, lying in your arms quietly and just listening to this song

So simple but yet so sweet

I miss that time so much

Your temperature, your hug, your kisses, your car scent…….

What else is left in me…..??

I have to suddenly cut off all my feelings just because you call it off that you cannot stand the miserable feeling because we’re far apart from each other…….

I’m sorry

I really am…………..

Sorry for dragging you in this

Sorry for leaving before you do

I’m sorry I can’t be there to celebrate your birthday with you as your girlfriend

I wish I can

I really do

How I wish I can spend the whole day with my boyfriend during his birthday

Giving him a very special birthday kiss

But have you ever realize

I’m not beside you

But I’m always with you

You are always in my heart

And you’ll always have me

And you’ve never lost me

I’m sorry I can’t be with you when you’re having pressure

I’m sorry I can’t hold your hands tight

I’m sorry I can’t hug you warm

I’m sorry I can’t give you comfort when you need it the most

What I can do is just call up to talk to you

For you to release the tends

And sending you messages to keep you up

You remember??

I’m sorry

I never wish to come here………….never

But what else can I do??

I give up this, I give up my studies

I take this, I lost you

I was having dilemma for doing this decision

But truly from my heart, I really hope you can hang on, don’t give up holding this hand tight

I used to think that

As I’m miles away

The only think I can do is talking to you online

At least I can speak to you face to face

And can see you when I miss you

And you can always call up on me

What I’ve ask for is just a call to talk before I sleep at night

Listening to your voice can do beyond than comfort me

I’ve encounter so much capalang things here

And yet I don’t like being away from you and come to this bloody hell alone

But yet,

The day I’m most afraid of approach as well

…………………………………….

How I wish I can stop you from leaving

But I don’t know how

How I wish I can stop you from giving up

But there’s no point for me to keep holding on for this

when you’ve already given up

不用担心

我不会为了把你留下来而故意表现得脆弱

没错

自从和你在一起

你似乎成为我脆弱的理由

可是

你可能不知道你简简单单的一句话足以让我开怀一整天

有你的安慰我不再流泪

有你的体温我有被保护的感觉

有你的肩膀我有个依靠

有你的日子是如此的完美

在一起的时光曾几何时是如此幸福快乐

被你牵着的感觉我永远不会忘记

。

我想念你

可是

我能够做些什么？？

what’s left on me??

What you said that night:

‘ i guess losing me is nothing to you also lar...’

Hurts me badly

i hate myself ... for i miss you

我失恋了。。。

2008-07-24T10:57:00.000-07:00

2008年07月24日

我失恋了。。。

一首首听惯的情歌
一幕幕往事的回忆

痛彻心扉的感觉

以往的温柔不再
以往的安慰不再

留下来的是被逼斩断的爱意
还没准备好的心情
不想放弃的意愿
来不及挽回的情感
我可以向谁述说

i hate myself for loving you so much
i cant even find a reason to hate you back......

this is not how i actually imagine us to be

since we were together
i'm no longer who i am
i'm a total stranger to myself
i used to laugh my way through chaos in my life
i used to make my own way through difficulties
i used to live alone in darkness, in loneliness withot fear

i am now weaker then i thought i would be

i hate myself for starring at the phone waiting for your message
i hate myself for holding on the phone whole night waiting your contact ringtone to play
i hate myself for being weak
i hate myself when i cry alone in the night because i've missed you so much
i hate myself for distracted from wat i'm supposed to do

and now......
there's nothing i can do anymore

it has always been you who're talking and giving decision

how much i wanna share with you about my life here
how much i cherished what we had together
how much i missed you one day and the other

now that i have a conclusion;
guys will always say:
I'm sorry, it has been so long i never see you, never feel you, never touch you....my feelings fade....
girls are naif enough to say:
I miss you more and more each and everyday

i hate myself...for i miss you

Live Life To The Fullest

。最终落幕篇。

可以吗？

Haunt me in my dreams...

Indulge The Recollection of The Past

12th Of The Month

pathetic

Smile vs Tears

Starry Night

永远的第一天

还可能吗？

2008年07月25日 雨

我失恋了。。。

2008年07月25日雨