I learn a lot, from [The Five People You Meet In Heaven]
and this is part of it,
here goes...

Lost love is still love.
It takes a different form, that's all.
You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor.
But, when those senses weaken, another heightens.
Memory.
Memory becomes your partner.
You nuture it,
You hold it.
You dance with it.
Life has to end.
Love doesn't.

And true enough. memory is what's left in me.

Things shall get better I guess,
let's just hold on to it, and things WILL get better.

30th day we broke up
30 days,
a month
enough of mourning
enough of tears

Grace!! get your butt back in action!!
don't let the one who cares down
don't let yourself down
Girls power ROCKS!!! and will still rocks!!

FRIDAY, AUGUST 22, 2008

When it comes to the moment you start thinking about
What you're doing.
Who you're choosing.
Who you love.
And if it's right,
this can be such a wonderful moment...

but now,
I can't find any 'wonderful moment' between us...
it was there, you know, and I know
but you've made the decision to let go,
for once and forever...
Now, we shall make this clear...

So we meet up,
and you were acting so difficult...
but you called up in the night
and here we are...

Sitting side-by-side, in you car, just like we used to
but now, it's a totally different situation, different feelings

Honestly, when I entered your car, looking at you, my heart was shouting so loud:
'Oh shit!! I missed this guy so much!!'
and I was to break down...
but I know I can't
so I didn't

then we were there talking
started up with asking about your uni application things
and I can see you were crapping
crapping from uni application to your results to your family
and then telling me:
'Sincerely, I don't have the mood to text msg these days, so sometimes I just don't reply msg.'
Oh for goodness sake, stop bullshitting!!
your msg alert have been ringing for a few times that night itself!!

So,
after you've finished crapping
I just go:
'Why did you break up with me?'
and I was pretty sure, I can predict your reaction and answer
as how much I've known you

so....
the same answer
same explanation
you can't even look in my eyes while you were talking to me....
haiz.........sigh

and for real,
I know,
there were girl after you
its the sense we girls have
that is actually unexplainable
but you said there were THREE girls!!
WHAT THE FUCK!!
yes, I'm using burglar words....
and I asked to know the girls name
you refused to tell right??
how bout I tell u
it was her, yes, my friend
that slut!!
again,
WHAT THE FUCK!!
I was so pissed off
so pissed off
no need much explanation
you did it without looking in my eyes
what were you trying to hide??
huh??
don't you have the guts to even look in my eyes??
huh?? my ex-Darlin??

and so,
before I leave
I wish you the very best of luck
on your life and everything awaiting in the future
I hugged you, yes I did
and I turned around, HIT YOU HARD on your left chest
yes I did
I just wanna tell you
'so, you know this is pain!!''

This two weeks of holidays were not supposed to happen like this
You yourself know, how much have I been longed for this two weeks to come
and how much plan have I been working on for these
But then,
you still let go and ended it all
leaving me all alone
miserable and confused
everything straggled up

for how many tears and sadness and mourning I've gone through
I meet you up tonight, with ONE purpose
to make things straight, to make things clear
once and for all

and just like you tell me
life has many chapter
and yes, you were one of the chapters in my life

Chapter One of my romance life
Chapter One that will ends tonight
I'm gonna shut the door behind
keeping our memories behind
keeping the times we had behind
shut the door close
and enter the next door

God knows what is behind the door
but for my own sake
I'm gonna try my best to enter it
with a whole new feeling a whole new smile
I know its hard
real hard
but it has got to be

so
there it goes
End Of Chapter One

Shall we just be friends from now on....
Just like you say,
One who understand you and one who understand me...

sometimes,
fairy tales don't end with a happy endings...
but they say,
All endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time...
who knows,
this might be true...
true or not,
we shall just stop and stare..
nop,
proceed and stare...

THURSDAY, AUGUST 21, 2008

To grow
To love
To age
To die
and to finally have my question answered
-why I lived and what I lived for-

I wanna meet up
to make things clear
to make things straight

this is the 28th day... you started to make my live miserable

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 20, 2008

You know,
sometimes, when you fell asleep,
you dreamed your heaven and those dreams helped to form it.

I actually dreamed about you before...
You remember??
There was once,
when i dreamed about you in the night,
dreamed about you hugging me real tight in your arms...
and it felt so real
and i smile, when i was awake...
and i told you about that,
and you told me, you dreamed about me too, that night
you dreamed that you were hugging me by the beach, and in the car....

But there was no reason for such dreams now...
cause i'm always crying my way to my dreams...

I want back my life,
when I used to laugh my way through everything.
Easy and hard.
It was never a problem.
But now,
I think I really deserve to smile, from heart.

27th day it is.... and i've been missing you from my dreams for such long time

TUESDAY, AUGUST 19, 2008

It's like now,
when things get wrong for such a long time.

I felt weaker and weaker.
Deep inside me,
I know this is got to come to an end.

Is it me?
who is not ready to let go?
Or there's something else?

I really really want to stop this mourning and moody feelings.
And I hate it when I lost control...
and ended up with tears.

26th days we were no longer together...
the feelings of missing you gets stronger and stronger
it IS killing me...

MONDAY, AUGUST 18, 2008

Learn this

from [The Five People You Meet In Heaven]

Holding anger is a poison,
It eats you from inside.
We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us.
But hatred is a curved blade.
And the harm we do,
we do to ourselves.

But dearly, I loved you, and I hate myself for cannot even find a reason to hate you back.
For how much I loved you, I hate myself as much.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 17, 2008

I'm feeling really awful today.
For a week has passed.
You did ask me out, I know.

And truthfully, I can't wait to meet you.

But somehow, I just can't.
And since, I had not heard from you.
You should have start working
So, how's work??
Had it been keeping you so busy??

I've just got 6 days left.
My heart urges me to get things right between us.
And its making me panic, and nervous, and lost.....
If I don't meet up with you, it'll be after a month then.

One week has passed be;
I can hardly feel my heart.

What am i doing??
I have no idea.

What was i feeling??
I don't know.

Who I wanna see the most??
You.

And I miss you so much.

the 24th day...
and i wish to have another 24 hours with you

SATURDAY, AUGUST 16, 2008

For goodness sake,
fight the feelings of being lost.

Fight it!

FRIDAY, AUGUST 15, 2008

I cannot undergo depression.
I must not understand depression.

It is indeed, weakness.

And it shall not exist,
in my survival.

But I don't want to walk alone.

Loneliness shadows me.
Emptiness hunts me.
Tears numb me.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 14, 2008

I feel the inability to get excited about much of anything.
Feels like fish pulled in by the wide rope nets,
helpless,
flopping and snared,
beyond escape.

Although I'm already at home
the most familiar place I've been.
and longed to meet the one who used to be familiar...

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 13, 2008

For the bitter and the sweet...

Can my heart turns numb;

Shall it touches ice with no moist,
feels wind with no cold;

Can my heart just stop beating;

Shall my feelings just fade,
like how yours does.

Can anyone just let my heart rest,
let numb takes over;

and shall it eventually,
...rest in peace...

it has been 20 days...

12th Of The Month

TUESDAY, AUGUST 12, 2008

Finally, I met up with Pat and Elaine.
It could have been fate, for,
three of us, Capri;
three of us, had know each other for years;
three of us, seems to have gone through the same heartbreaking incident;
three of us, sitting by the beach, wondering:
why is this happening to me??

12th of the month,
12th of May, i left Penang for Melacca
12th of August, i left Melacca, back to Penang
where are you??

Frankly,
I wanna cry out all my tears in front of Elaine tonight
when she leans her head against mine,
I felt like I can't hold my tears anymore.


But then,
I still kept it inside.
Perhaps,
the elder shouldn't collapse in front of the young.
Perhaps that is what stopping me from crying...

I just wanna hug someone and cry a river

pathetic

MONDAY, AUGUST 11, 2008 He's So Over You, He Needs a New Word For "Over"

Girl, who do you think you're fooling? Your ex isn't play hard to get. He's playing, "Get the hell out of my life" So even if you still have feelings for him... It's time to say adios and find a new man

Is Your Ex Boyfriend Still Into You?

Smile vs Tears

SUNDAY, AUGUST 10, 2008

i went to PC Fair today
actually i have nothing to buy
my only intension is just to see you
from far
from a distant
from a place chaos with crowds
so you will never know my existence
so you will never realize i'm there
so i can just look at you from far

but i saw Kent right after i step in the entrance
he saw me as well
i hope he don't tell you i was there

i realize
you are still breath-taking to me
you still make my heart beats
when i thought it's already dead

the last time i was in PC Pair

you was also working in PC Fair
we were in PC Fair

yet i did the same thing last time
i went
n i text msg you: Is my darlin wearing black today?
you replied: yupxie! you saw your darling XD

same place
same person
totally different feelings

smile vs tears

SATURDAY, AUGUST 9, 2008

我回来了 你记得吗？？

and i cry my way to my dreams tonight... again

FRIDAY, AUGUST 8, 2008

15th day we are no longer together

2008.08.08
the day i've long for it to arrive

this is the day my mid-semester break starts
this is the day i'll get on the bus, way up North to Penang, back into your arms
this is the day i thought i can tell you how much i miss you
this is the day i thought when i see you again i can hug you as tight as i want
this is the day i thought i can cry as much as i want in your arms

but now
it's all the other way round
everything changed

i remembered last time i came back
it was the day you were going to depart to Singapore
and it was the day i'm coming back for a short 3 days break
还记得那天我们有多兴奋
一路上你的短讯不断
问我到了哪里
叫我不要赶巴士
安全最重要

还记得
突然巴士抛锚
可是我都不敢跟你说
自己在担心赶不上你登机的时间

还记得
到AutoCity那时候
你的短讯是这么写的：I'm so happy you've arrive!

还记得
一到槟城 是Bear来载我到机场
也记得你吩咐他不要开快车
可是我却拜托他飞车把我送到机场
记得他说：‘Aiyo...这么紧张要看 'lou gong' 啊~~’


and finally
i did catch up with you before you depart
that time
how i wish i can ask you to stay
to spend the time with me in Penang
although its only for 3 short days
but i know i can't
i cannot be so selfish
you've planned to go for holiday with your family
its just that it crashed with the days i'm back
so..... i just kept quiet

but how i never think of
that is the day
the day you hug me for the very last time
the day you kiss me for the very last time

i've never thought that
that is actually eventually become our good-bye kiss

and i never wanna say Good Bye

never...

THURSDAY, AUGUST 7, 2008

how can i stop thinking of you??
how can i stop mourning about us??
how can i stop crying when i still miss you??
how can stop starring at the phone and waiting for [Realize] to play??

when can i laugh back like i used to??

one stupid question:

WHEN can i have you to hug me back??

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 6, 2008

Should i call up??
or
Can i call up??

TUESDAY, AUGUST 5, 2008
i've never heard from you for a long time

are you so busy??
or had something happen??

may be you dont even bother to talk
may be you think there's nothing much to talk about

but this is making me worry
and start thinking................

MONDAY, AUGUST 4, 2008

11th day...

i think cell wall is beginning to grow on my cardiac muscle surface

can i make it impermeable to anything??
or even make it metal
like Iron man's

10th day

[10] the number we both like
[10] our lucky number
[10] perfect 10 which i believe do not exist
[10] perfect 10 which you tell me it does exist

where is our [10] then...??
why don't you tell me now...

9th day

我想
丘比特 在眷顾的名单里 弄丢了我的名字